My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
