i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize