Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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