idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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