im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
