Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
