so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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