there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
being pregnant is like rehab
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
