im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
