I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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