Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
