Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
