I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
