Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
