Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
