why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Randomize
