Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
