Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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