Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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