I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
