I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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