the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
