just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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