Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize