he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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