at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
True strength comes from lack of pants
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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