real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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