Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
