Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize