Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
