Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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