sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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