Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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