Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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