so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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