Porn is love you can see.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
