the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
