Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
