it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
