its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
3pm strippers are depressing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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