I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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