you win again, gameday.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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