Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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