i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
