So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize