I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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