If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
