I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
