Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
