the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
