im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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