I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
