I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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