if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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