guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
