i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's official drugs can't kill me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
is that a dick in a sweater?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
