I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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