I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
