Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
