stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
