first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
