Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
