Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize