she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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