oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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