Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
In other news, I just burned my penis
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
