he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
