you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
