respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
