We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
