the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
