The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My bed smells like the plague
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
