too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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