did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
